Saturday, July 19, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Time To Say Goodbye
Blog is actually something to express feeling
when it's has a restriction
when it's not that fun anymore
when the writing become stress
when I had to care about what people think
when I had to answer questions on what I wrote in blog
when I had to consider to write what can be see by who and what can't
when my blog had been comment by people as a tool to get attention and act emo
when all the black and color in my life shouldn't be published online that may irritated anyone
when it's has a restriction
when it's not that fun anymore
when the writing become stress
when I had to care about what people think
when I had to answer questions on what I wrote in blog
when I had to consider to write what can be see by who and what can't
when my blog had been comment by people as a tool to get attention and act emo
when all the black and color in my life shouldn't be published online that may irritated anyone
It's my time to leave as Blogger
It's time to say goodbye!!!
It's time to say goodbye!!!
Thursday, July 3, 2008
让一切随风
所有都结束了. 所有的疑问, 所有的不肯定都解决了, 虽然答案多多少少是残忍的, 但心突然间放松很多. 原因我都知道了. 无论男女拒绝感情不要拖泥带水, 不要什么兄弟姐妹感觉, 很伤人. 现在一切都结束了. 给我两天时间, 埋掉一些伤痛, 斩断一些思念, 忘掉一些回忆. 我会回来的. 那个开朗的我会走回来的.
心里话
今天依然很不开心, 许许多多人都问我为什么. 到了放学前, 和朋友说了. 鼓励的话, 我听多了, 但就是过不了自己那关, 又开始想是自己自做多情吗? 她仍然找我, 但今天目的是问其他人的情况, 心又一点痛了. 过后, 她有向我诉苦. 我真的不懂要怎样, 说好要放下她, 但就是做不到. 我还会难过多久. 不知不觉, 她给我的伤心已经比以前那个她来得多了. 可能我找到了更喜欢的人, 用了两年多的时间, 可惜她不是我的, 也不会是, 不知道我又要多长的时间, 或许又两年, 或许四年, 或许10年. 今天唱着 "我爱的人不是我的爱人" 仁宏说比从前好听了, 第一次有人称赞高兴不起来. 我真的被她完全控制了. 她赢了, 而我? 却被完全击败. 为她准备了很多很多, 可能够了吧. 还是没有勇气对她说出心里话. 不用紧, 一切准备好. 我就和她告别. 真的真的我恨我自己喜欢上她, 对不起. 我会好好过.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
心里话
今天的生气和伤心让我不理智的骂了她. 最后还是和她说了声对不起. 真的放不下她, 但勉强没有幸福. 强迫自己忘了她, 但又还要维持朋友的关系. 她一直说我不明白, 其实我懂她就是想说我们就做朋友好了. 她的拐弯反而更让我难过, 为她造成了那么多不必要的麻烦和困扰. 真的真的, 很抱歉. 自己的情感本来就应该管好, 而我... 没有什么话说了. 寂寞很恐怖, 但我依然会独自面对, 让她可以不用再这样烦了. 是我错... 让她曾经那么伤心和生气. 她一个人过, 可以吗? 她可能一向来都不依赖我, 是我多想吧? 就让一切随风. 我能吗??? 不懂...
Another bad day?!
Comment? Question? Or Challenge?
Today is actually quite a normal day since nothing special until Biology period. During our discussion for the paper something unhappy things happened. It's happened when the teacher given the answer for the observation. She said it's should be the data and statistic that calculated such as transpiration rate or average time. So a lot my classmate decided to give their comments or questions. And so the teacher mad and scolded all of us. I mean all of us. She said we are proud of ourself (berlagak) and not even listen to her, so when we get low marks, we started to ask marks and behaving proudly. I think some of us just never heard that observation must have the value. So we asked why. I don't deny some of them are rude when they do so. But is it that serious until the teacher took it as a challenge? Even coming out words like guarantee we wouldn't able to survive in this society? There's a lot to ponder.
Living More like a slave than a human
I think sometimes I just live more like a slave. Can you imagine there's more than 12 AJK for a club, there are some AJK have to go every training while others just use the reason I have no transport. It's like whta kind of world is it? Somemore the board have to be decorated by those who went training lot of times!!! It's like there's only 5 AJKs worked hard for this club at last they couldn't get the Gerko marks for than 80 because the school demand so while the other AJKs demanding the same mark with these ajk because they are AJK? If I'm going to be the one to give Gerko mark actually I should since I'm the secretary, I can guarantee this wouldn't happen. In fact they must had been the ajk had the lowest marks among other ajks from other club!!! For friend, I think isn't respect and fair it's the most important in friendship. Come on lah. I do talked t her before school end, why can't she just ask me whether I'm going to training. Am I the one must go training every time? It just so rude and unfair when she just scolded me for not going to training. Hell! Since when I said I'm going training today? I can't believe another bull shit of today came from one of my best friend! When yesterday, 3 of us are discussing whether tomorrow going to watch movie. Since all of us can only be together at Thursday, he just keep saying he don't want to go because it's not Friday. Come on lah. You know Friday I got tuition right? He didn't give a confirm answer whether he going or not. Then he absent today. Me and Kah Hei discussed and decided to watch Prom Night tomorrow no matter he joining or not because we don't know his decision!!! Then when I just online, he just appeared and say : "Tomorrow Hancook U book" " 2.15" It's like you ordering me to do so. Since you already decided the time and movie yourself, can't you just book it? While he just never asked what's we 2 decision. Then when tell him that we already decided to watch Prom Night, the guy respond " Then you 2 go and watch." "I follow XIXK go and watch." It's like you already have someone to watch the movie with you then you still go on demanding both your friend book tickets for you and your friend. Respect!!! It's always needed in this life, friendship and everything.
My day haven't end now. I don't know how many remaining bull shit people and stuffs waiting for me. I promised I'll hoot them fast and hard!!!
Today is actually quite a normal day since nothing special until Biology period. During our discussion for the paper something unhappy things happened. It's happened when the teacher given the answer for the observation. She said it's should be the data and statistic that calculated such as transpiration rate or average time. So a lot my classmate decided to give their comments or questions. And so the teacher mad and scolded all of us. I mean all of us. She said we are proud of ourself (berlagak) and not even listen to her, so when we get low marks, we started to ask marks and behaving proudly. I think some of us just never heard that observation must have the value. So we asked why. I don't deny some of them are rude when they do so. But is it that serious until the teacher took it as a challenge? Even coming out words like guarantee we wouldn't able to survive in this society? There's a lot to ponder.
Living More like a slave than a human
I think sometimes I just live more like a slave. Can you imagine there's more than 12 AJK for a club, there are some AJK have to go every training while others just use the reason I have no transport. It's like whta kind of world is it? Somemore the board have to be decorated by those who went training lot of times!!! It's like there's only 5 AJKs worked hard for this club at last they couldn't get the Gerko marks for than 80 because the school demand so while the other AJKs demanding the same mark with these ajk because they are AJK? If I'm going to be the one to give Gerko mark actually I should since I'm the secretary, I can guarantee this wouldn't happen. In fact they must had been the ajk had the lowest marks among other ajks from other club!!! For friend, I think isn't respect and fair it's the most important in friendship. Come on lah. I do talked t her before school end, why can't she just ask me whether I'm going to training. Am I the one must go training every time? It just so rude and unfair when she just scolded me for not going to training. Hell! Since when I said I'm going training today? I can't believe another bull shit of today came from one of my best friend! When yesterday, 3 of us are discussing whether tomorrow going to watch movie. Since all of us can only be together at Thursday, he just keep saying he don't want to go because it's not Friday. Come on lah. You know Friday I got tuition right? He didn't give a confirm answer whether he going or not. Then he absent today. Me and Kah Hei discussed and decided to watch Prom Night tomorrow no matter he joining or not because we don't know his decision!!! Then when I just online, he just appeared and say : "Tomorrow Hancook U book" " 2.15" It's like you ordering me to do so. Since you already decided the time and movie yourself, can't you just book it? While he just never asked what's we 2 decision. Then when tell him that we already decided to watch Prom Night, the guy respond " Then you 2 go and watch." "I follow XIXK go and watch." It's like you already have someone to watch the movie with you then you still go on demanding both your friend book tickets for you and your friend. Respect!!! It's always needed in this life, friendship and everything.
My day haven't end now. I don't know how many remaining bull shit people and stuffs waiting for me. I promised I'll hoot them fast and hard!!!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
心里话
手机里都是你的短讯. 不知道从几时开始, 只要一闷就会找你. 记得2年前, 我和你刚认识, 没有什么熟, 后来慢慢熟了, 一年后, 又慢慢没有什么联络, 多多少少有些不喜欢你的态度. 但是每次听到有人投诉你或者说你有什么回事, 又会多管闲事, 去找你谈谈. 很多次都是已吵架收尾. 你都会说我酷, 但是有时我真的没有什么高兴, 但又看到你很开心的样子, 不好意思和你说什么, 怕影响到你的情绪. 有时候, 不知不觉想和你说话又因某些东西打断了, 所以没有. 以前, 一直以为要帮你走出伤害却没有想到真的喜欢上你了. 因为那些女孩的话, 我决定告诉你. 但是你却半信半疑, 可能认定我和你开玩笑了吧. 也许是你怕了, 也许是我错了. 你曾经问我对远距离恋爱有什么看法, 从你的问题, 我感觉到了你心理的不信任. 你每次都说讨厌我的 "oh i see" "ok then". 其实有时侯, 一些想法和话是不能讲的, 所以只好带过. 这几天来, 一直和你sms了那么多. 其实是觉得为什么你会陪伴我那么久, 所以问了几次, 除了我还有谁. 或许在别人面前那个自大的我, 就是没有办法在你面前出现. 用了很多种方法来打动你, 你也跟我讲过感动, 但或许喜欢和感动是两件不同的事. 我甚至觉得自己很烦. 有些事情不能勉强, 我明白这个道理, 但每次想放弃, 你又再给我希望, 然后又带走. 所以当你问我如果有天你接受我, 我会怎样, 我真的会觉得是我逼你的. 但我从来没有真正问过你会不会和我在一起, 或许一开始, 就像我讲的, 比大小, 我只有一点, 输着开始, 早知道答案了, 所以不会问. 想过一直这样继续追逐, 但可能我真的严重骚扰到你了. 对你说过的话是真心的, 我没有期盼过结果, 过程对我来说是最重要的, 它将是我的回忆, 第一个追的女孩子, 也是第一个失败的. 第一个女孩让我感觉到喜, 怒, 哀, 乐, 失望. 真的谢谢你! 以后, 我一定不会再对你说我喜欢你了. 或许我们将来可能是朋友, 可能是陌生人, 但一切不再重要, 因为我有了这个宝贵的人生回忆.
对不起, 请原谅我, 原谅我让你生气, 原谅我的不成熟, 原谅我的冲动, 原谅我的许多许多. 真的对不起. 带给你那么多的麻烦!!! 允许我最后一次说这句话- 我喜欢你, 答应你, 从此不会有这句话的出现.
对不起, 请原谅我, 原谅我让你生气, 原谅我的不成熟, 原谅我的冲动, 原谅我的许多许多. 真的对不起. 带给你那么多的麻烦!!! 允许我最后一次说这句话- 我喜欢你, 答应你, 从此不会有这句话的出现.
请再爱
你他曾经相爱 他答应的幸福 不回来
两颗心的分开 无尽伤痛悲哀 解不开
假如你有天归来 请告诉我你可以再爱
我愿意日日夜夜在等待
只要你每天都愉快
我愿意每分每秒在期待
希望有天带你去看海
看见幸福未来
你说我太奇怪 没把握的等待 不离开
收藏多少无奈 为你储存愉快 会释怀
不要答案的追逐 只渴望你幸福满载
希望你分分秒秒感受爱
不要把心关闭起来
只要你不再害怕受伤害
答应我真的要开怀
之后我会离开
曾有伤心难过 让你厌倦伤痛
对你满心的爱 千言万语说不完
或许对你强迫 是我的不应该
未曾希望你一句答案
之后我会离开 再期待
假如你有天归来 记得告诉我你可以再爱
A talk is a way of communicate
July 1, 2008 Tuesday
Today is quite a normal day. Quite nervous because thinking whether I can get another mark for my add math to pass. Face this situation again. I hate this. Told myself have to work hard but just can’t make it. Still remember the big pan and promise between me and Choon Lim. Bobo is now on the right track. While me getting far from it. Haiz, I don’t blame anyone but myself. I got the mark before recess, promised I’ll return the mark next time no matter what. Other than that, today is a normal day. Just before school end, had some talk with Shining. It’s been long time ago since we two have a talk. Asked about her exam, life and we do talk about other things. I was really feel like talking to her but just not really able to throw out words. Anyway, it’s not a bad time after all.
While waiting for the bell to ring, I found she went down. When school end, I saw her walking alone and feel like chase from behind. But suddenly saw her friend walk with her. Everything was pulling off and I just walked alone. Today bus was abnormal quiet. Those form3 never argue or anything. Have some good sleep in bus. 5.00 o’clock, my phone was ringing. Never thought she will sms me 1st time leh. Really happy with that, but really still know there’s a big range between both of us. Anyway, can see she is concern about me. Haha. This make my day complete.
Fast Food Love
Fast Food Love means relationship and couple that build up quickly and end up quickly as well. I don’t know whether it’s good or not. But for me, it’s totally not something good. I’m totally a victim for this *grin* grin* or should I *sob*sob*. Ok. My longest relationship doesn’t more than 3 months. And the fastest build up of the relationship took only few days. It’s like 1st day I know you. Second day sms me. 3rd day, we been together. Ok. At last it ends up fast also lah. Actually from the starting, I didn’t feel anything bad about this. It’s just easy come and easy go. Until that day, I read her blog. Found some of her old things and realized how suffered are she. It’s like she keep thinking whether I cheated her or she did something wrong until I was like dump her alone. I felt bad. When reading I realized how much problems had she faced, but as someone that should stay beside her supports her, I didn’t. It’s like just so irresponsible. Although I didn’t cheated anyone, didn’t step more than one boat, but when leaving her alone facing all problems alone, isn’t it is worse than stepping more than one boat (at least she get the concern)? Sometimes, I do want to say a sorry. But I had no guts to do that. At last finally dare to msn her. It’s like we been friend again since so long time ago. She had forgiven me. When I asked her am I bad. She said no, not really. Then we chat about our life now. She felt surprised when I told her I had been blank for 1 year plus while she had 2 boyfriends for this period. Finally drop down one of the stone in my heart. There’s still another one to go. Sometimes I do think what happened if I never accept that. Never ever try fast food love again.
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